Jul 15, 2026
One of my favorite expressions is: “You can’t rush the timeline.”
I say it so often that I have a pillow in my office with those words on it, a gift from my sister. It’s become more than a phrase I like. It’s a reminder I need, and one I often give to other people when they are desperate for answers before the answers are ready.
My husband and I did not always have it easy.
We moved to Florida with very little safety net, and there were times when even basic things felt precarious. I remember our water getting shut off at the townhouse we were renting. That kind of moment has a way of reminding you that you are not in control of nearly as much as you thought you were.
Around that same period, I started therapy, and my therapist said something I have never forgotten: “We start telling ourselves stories from the moment we are born.”
That sentence changed how I saw everything.
I realized I had been telling myself a story of scarcity and failure for a long time.
Therapy helped me understand that I didn’t have to keep living inside that version of the story, and sometimes we need another person to help us see what we can’t see on our own. If that resonates with you, it may be worth reaching out for support.
What I mean by this phrase is simple: when pain is intense, it is very tempting to force an ending just to get relief.
But relief and clarity are not always the same thing.
I’ve told some of my couples that it’s possible to get divorced by accident.
By that I mean people can rush toward the most final-sounding solution when they are overwhelmed, hurt, and exhausted, even if they haven’t had enough time to understand what is really happening. I saw this with two couples I was counseling around the same time. I encouraged them to slow down and think carefully, but the truth is that intense pain can make it difficult for anyone to take that advice in.
Still, the legal ending had happened, even as the emotional story was still unfolding.
That experience reinforced something I already believed: you can’t rush the timeline.
A few weekends ago, my family and I were almost faced with euthanizing our dog, Chloe, because she was in so much pain.
Then, suddenly, she made a full recovery.
That moment was a reminder of how quickly the picture can change when we give it a little time. What looks final in one moment may not be final at all in the next.
I think that’s why this phrase matters so much to me.
It doesn’t mean ignore problems or stay in situations that are truly harmful.
It means don’t confuse urgency with wisdom.
Don’t make a permanent decision just because the pain feels overwhelming.
Don’t assume the loudest feeling is always the truest one.
You can’t rush the timeline because healing has a rhythm.
And sometimes the wisest thing we can do is slow down long enough for the truth to emerge.
That has saved me more than once.
And it’s why I keep that pillow in my office, right where I can see it.