Feb 11, 2026
I’ve written a lot about 'situationships'—those confusing, undefined romantic grey areas. But there's another modern dating trap I see, one that’s even trickier: the 'imaginationship.' I didn't coin the term (it's been popping up everywhere lately), but I feel compelled to write about it because it comes up so often in my work.
This isn't about a relationship that's unclear with another person. It’s about a full-blown relationship you've built entirely in your own mind with someone who may barely know you exist. It feels intensely real—the future plans, the deep understanding, the soulmate certainty. But it's a fantasy, often kicked off by something like love bombing and powered by a psychological state called limerence.
Let's break down how to spot if you're in one, and how to step out of the story you've written.
What’s the real difference with the two? A situationship involves two people in a real, albeit undefined, pattern. There are dates, texts, maybe physical intimacy. The confusion is mutual—you're both in the "what are we?" zone.
An imaginationship, however, is a solo project. It's a state of limerence—an intense, obsessive crush where the other person is just a canvas for your fantasies. The 'connection' is built from crumbs of attention (a liked post, a sporadic text) and runs entirely on your own hopes. You're not dating a person; you're dating their potential.
So how does this start? Love bombing plants the seed. This is when someone overwhelms you with perfect attention, future-faking, and intense praise right away. They hand you the script for a dream romance.
Then, when they pull back (as they often do), your mind doesn't see a red flag. Instead, you become obsessed with getting back to that initial high. You're no longer chasing them; you're chasing the ghost of the fantasy they sold you. Your brain, now in full limerence mode, becomes the sole producer of your "relationship."
The high cost of dating a ghost is the cruel irony. An imaginationship feels so real while blocking anything real. All that emotional energy and hope gets poured into a phantom, leaving you unavailable for actual, present partners. It teaches you to doubt your own gut and traps you in a cycle of craving validation from someone who can't give it.
This part is really important and I spend a great deal of time processing this with my clients. The feelings are real. From your perspective, the emotional experience is valid, and you can learn from it. It becomes dangerous, however, when fantasy fuels impulsive decisions—like quitting a job, moving cities, or leaving a stable relationship for a daydream. This is where the line between a painful lesson and genuine self-sabotage gets crossed.
Breaking free means shifting from fantasy to facts. I’ve come up with a guide to grounding yourself:
Reality-Test with Two Lists. Make one list titled "What I KNOW" (e.g., "He texts back every 3 days"). Make another titled "The STORY I Tell" (e.g., "He's distant because he's deeply passionate and will be an amazing father"). Seeing the gap in black and white is powerful.
Stop Feeding the Fantasy. For a pure imaginationship, you must cut off its fuel. Mute them on social media. Do not revisit old texts. This isn't rude—it's necessary surgery for your mental space.
Redirect the Obsessive Energy. Limerence is a powerful mental engine. Channel it. Use the anxious energy for a workout. Write the epic love story in a journal, then close the book. Ask yourself: "What need does this fantasy fulfill for me?" (Comfort? Excitance? Validation?) Then, find a way to fulfill it yourself.
Use the Fantasy as a Compass. Your imagined partner has qualities you deeply desire. Write them down. This list isn't a blueprint for the person you're fantasizing about; it's a blueprint for what to look for in reality. Now, look for those qualities in people who are available, consistent, and genuinely interested.
Stepping out of an imaginationship isn't about dismissing your feelings. It's about honoring them enough to direct that incredible capacity for love and attention toward something real—starting with yourself. The clarity you gain by facing the fantasy is the very thing that will open the door to a connection that exists off the page, in the messy, wonderful, and mutual reality you truly deserve.