You meet someone new, and it feels electric. They just get you in a way no one else does. But then, slowly, the same old patterns creep in. Maybe they start pulling away, or their jealousy becomes suffocating, or you realize you’re bending yourself into knots to keep them happy. You tell yourself, *This time will be different*—but deep down, you know how this story ends.

Let’s talk about something that’s incredibly common but rarely talked about openly: the hope that love can change someone. Have you ever found yourself thinking, "If I just love them enough, they’ll change?"

Dating can be exciting, nerve-wracking, and—let’s be honest—a little weird. Especially when you’re trying to figure out if someone you just met might become someone who really matters. As a licensed mental health counselor who works with singles of all ages and relationship histories, one question keeps coming up: How do I make a real connection on a first date?

Walking through Barcelona—where every corner feels like a dream—you can’t miss Antoni Gaudí’s buildings. The architect’s creations look like they’ve been pulled straight from a fairy tale: wavy walls that make you seasick just looking at them, rooftops covered in what seems like dragon bones, staircases that feel like you’re climbing through the ribs of some giant sea creature.

When people imagine brainwashing, they often think of cult leaders or spy thrillers—not romantic partners. But in reality, brainwashing can happen in a relationship, and it doesn’t always look like shouting or bruises. Sometimes, it looks like charm. Like devotion. Like love.

We all want to feel special. That moment when someone tells you you’re amazing, that they’ve never felt this way before, or starts planning your future together—two weeks in—it can be thrilling. It feels like a rom-com. But what if that rush of affection isn’t love at all? What if it’s manipulation dressed up as magic?

As I stroked the stomach of a contented, free-roaming pig on an Iberian ham farm in Spain, I felt a strange mix of affection and unease. These animals were raised with extraordinary care—clean air, open pastures, even gentle handling by farmers who spoke of them with respect. Yet their ultimate purpose was clear: to become some of the world’s finest ham.