Dec 3, 2025
As a therapist, I hear the same post-trip stories every year: “I never knew she was this messy!” or “He expected us to split the bill evenly after ordering lobster every night!” The truth is, holidays are like friendship pressure cookers. The heat gets turned up, and even the strongest bonds can be tested.
So, what’s really going on?
First, the “Best Behavior” clock runs out. In our day-to-day lives, we get to curate our social selves. We’re patient for a two-hour brunch, charming at a party. But crammed into an Airbnb for days with the same people? The mask starts to slip. Sleep deprivation, disrupted routines, and zero personal space work together to turn minor quirks—like a 6 AM alarm or a toothpaste cap left off—into full-blown rage triggers. Suddenly, you’re not just annoyed they packed three suitcases; you’re secretly keeping score of every little thing.
Then there’s the group dynamic drama. Friendships, especially among women, often thrive on unspoken harmony. But forced proximity can weaponize that silence. In groups, and especially odd-numbered ones, the dynamics can shift fast. Someone feels like the "left-out third," inside jokes become exclusionary, and silent resentment builds over who’s sharing a bed or who always gets to call shotgun. It can feel like Mean Girls meets The White Lotus—but with more arguments over the thermostat.
And let’s talk about the elephant in the room: money. Nothing exposes different financial realities like a group trip. The friend who casually books private tours while you’re quietly budgeting for supermarket meal deals isn’t necessarily wrong—but the resentment can quietly fester. The single most important tip? Have the awkward “what’s our spending limit?” chat before someone Venmo requests you for a $200 seafood tower you only looked at.
Finally, you see their raw self—literally. At home, you’ve probably never seen your friend truly hangry after they skipped breakfast. You’ve never been kept awake by their 2 AM crisps-crunching or been privy to their “interesting” shower habits. On a trip together, there’s no escape. You see it all, and as the old saying goes, familiarity can breed contempt—or at least a strong desire to write a very specific TripAdvisor review about the “friendship package.”
So, what’s the fix? It’s not about finding perfect friends; it’s about managing the pressure. Lower your expectations. No trip is perfect. Pre-negotiate the big stuff, especially budgets. And most crucially, plan for solo time. Even the best of friends need breaks from each other to recharge
Because at the end of the day, the best souvenir you can bring home isn’t a keychain—it’s a friendship that actually survives the return flight.