Jul 1, 2026
July brings fireworks, barbecues, and celebrations of independence. In our culture, independence is often seen as the ultimate goal. We’re taught to stand on our own two feet, solve our own problems, and not rely too heavily on anyone else.
While independence is important, I’ve noticed something in both my personal life and my work as a therapist: sometimes independence can go too far.
Many people learned early in life that needing others felt risky. Maybe they were disappointed when they reached out for help. Maybe they were criticized for being vulnerable. Maybe they simply learned that the safest path was to handle everything themselves.
Over time, self-reliance can become a source of pride. But it can also become a fortress.
When we’re overly independent, we may unintentionally communicate, “I don’t need you.” We stop asking for help, sharing our struggles, or allowing others to support us. While the walls we build may protect us from disappointment, they can also leave us feeling lonely.
On the opposite end of the spectrum is codependency. In codependent relationships, people become so focused on each other’s needs that they lose sight of their own identities.
If independence is two islands separated by miles of ocean, codependency is two trees planted so close together they choke each other’s roots.
The healthiest goal is often interdependence.
Interdependence means maintaining your own identity while still being connected to others. It means being able to say, “I can survive on my own, but I don’t have to.”
I like to think of it as two strong oak trees planted a respectful distance apart. Each receives its own sunlight. Each develops its own roots. Yet beneath the soil, their roots gently intertwine, helping stabilize the ground when the Florida summer storms roll through.
That’s interdependence.
It also requires us to tolerate discomfort.
Recently, I’ve noticed a growing trend toward cutting people off at the first sign of conflict. Social media often encourages us to “protect our peace” by distancing ourselves from anyone who frustrates, disappoints, or challenges us. While there are certainly situations where limiting or ending contact is necessary and healthy, not every disagreement is a reason to walk away.
Relationships are built between imperfect people. Misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and differing opinions are inevitable. Some of our strongest relationships aren’t built because we avoid conflict—they’re built because we learn how to work through it.
When we navigate disagreements respectfully, we gain something valuable: a deeper understanding of ourselves and the other person. We learn what matters to them, what they fear, what they need, and how they see the world.
I’ve also been thinking about how technology is changing our relationships. Artificial intelligence can be an incredible tool. It can help us learn, organize our thoughts, brainstorm ideas, and even gain perspective.
But AI is not a replacement for human connection.
Human relationships require patience, compromise, forgiveness, and repair. They expose us to viewpoints that differ from our own and occasionally challenge us in ways we’d rather avoid. While those experiences aren’t always comfortable, they’re often where growth happens.
A relationship that always feels comfortable may sound appealing, but comfort alone doesn’t create intimacy.
We need people who see the world differently than we do. People who occasionally frustrate us. People who challenge us to grow.
Perhaps one of the hidden risks of taking independence too far is that, in trying to protect ourselves from disappointment, conflict, or vulnerability, we accidentally isolate ourselves from the very experiences that deepen connection.
After all, intimacy is not built by never clashing. It is built by discovering that a relationship can survive the clash.
Perhaps true independence is not the absence of needing others. Perhaps true strength is knowing you can stand on your own while still allowing someone to stand beside you.
Healthy relationships don’t ask us to lose ourselves, nor do they ask us to do everything alone. They invite us to grow alongside one another—strong, connected, and deeply rooted.