Nov 5, 2025
Let's be real. Between holiday parties and the general 'cuffing season' energy (you know, the urge to partner up when it gets cold), November kicks off a time of year packed with social pressure and dating opportunities. And nothing kills a potential connection faster than a compliment that feels like it was generated by an algorithm.
In my therapy practice, I hear the same story all the time: well-meaning people fall flat not because they're rude, but because their compliments are on autopilot. Most people mess up in one of two ways:
1. They sound like every other person, using a line so generic it's forgettable. ("You're so pretty.")
2. They make it weird with an observation that's just... oddly specific. ("You have hypnotic earlobes.")
The goal isn't to just "say something nice." It's to make the other person feel something—seen, understood, appreciated. It’s about creating a moment of real connection.
First, what's an NPC?
In video games, an NPC is a "Non-Player Character"—they're programmed with a few generic lines they repeat to everyone. When your compliments are generic, you risk sounding like one. You're following a script instead of talking to the unique human in front of you.
So, how do you switch from scripted to genuine?
1. Get Specific, or Don't Bother.
A vague "nice dress" or "you're funny" blends into the background. Your brain files it away with all the other noise. But a specific compliment? That sticks. The shift is simple: anchor your praise to something you genuinely noticed.
· Instead of "You're smart," try: "The way you explained that complex topic was so clear and insightful."
· Instead of "Good call on the wine," try: "You have a great palate; this wine is perfect with the meal."
· If they make you laugh: "Your sense of humor is so quick—I never see your jokes coming."
This proves you're not just talking; you're paying attention.
2. Look Beyond the Obvious.
Yes, you might find them attractive. They probably know that. If every compliment is about their looks, it can feel shallow, as if you only see the surface. The deeper connection happens when you compliment their character, their vibe, or their mind.
· "You have such a calming presence; it feels easy to talk to you."
· "I love how passionate you get when you talk about your hobby. It's contagious."
My rule? One appearance-related compliment max per date, and make it about their style, not their body. Something like, "Those boots are incredible, they have so much personality," says more about your perception than a generic "you're hot."
3. Be a Mirror.
People want to be seen for who they are at their core. The most powerful compliments reflect a person's character back to them.
A client’s boss once told her, "You're the kind of person who makes things happen behind the scenes." She held onto that for months because it validated a key part of her identity.
On a date, you can do the same. If they're thoughtful, try: "You seem like the person who remembers everyone's coffee order." Or if they're adventurous: "You give off the vibe that you know all the best hidden spots in the city."
4. If You're Gonna Be Cheesy, Own It.
There's a thin line between cringey and charming, and that line is drawn with self-awareness.
A classic, corny pickup line delivered with dead seriousness is a disaster. But if you make a lighthearted, slightly cheesy joke and then wink and say, "Okay, that was incredibly corny, I'll see myself out," you're in on the joke. It shows you don't take yourself too seriously, which is its own form of connection.
The bottom line is this: a great compliment isn't a line you memorize. It's a direct result of you listening, watching, and connecting your words to a real moment. Ditch the script. Pay attention to the person in front of you, and the right words will follow.