Jun 25, 2025
When people imagine brainwashing, they often think of cult leaders or spy thrillers—not romantic partners. But in reality, brainwashing can happen in a relationship, and it doesn’t always look like shouting or bruises. Sometimes, it looks like charm. Like devotion. Like love.
But love that strips you of your identity, makes you doubt your instincts, and convinces you that you’re nothing without the other person? That’s not love. That’s psychological abuse.
In the world of therapy, we see this kind of manipulation unfold in deeply intimate, often invisible ways. Abusers don’t just want to control a person’s actions—they want to own their mind. Over time, a victim can become so emotionally dependent that they begin to feel trapped, unable to leave, even when they no longer feel love or safety. This is what survivors mean when they say, “I didn’t recognize myself anymore.”
We’re seeing a very public version of this dynamic right now in the accusations against music mogul Sean “Diddy” Combs. Dozens of men and women—some famous, some not—have come forward with harrowing stories of abuse, coercion, trafficking, rape, and exploitation that span decades. The details are shocking: alleged “Freak Offs” involving forced sex acts, emotional and physical torment, financial control, secret recordings, and deliberate grooming of victims, some allegedly minors at the time.
These allegations paint a picture not just of violence, but of calculated psychological dominance. According to the federal indictment, Combs is accused of creating an environment where people were systematically broken down, isolated, drugged, manipulated, and made dependent—hallmarks of brainwashing in abusive relationships. And like many survivors, some of these individuals stayed in the relationship for years, believing they had no choice. That’s what brainwashing does: it reprograms your reality.
It’s important to remember that not all abuse makes headlines. Most of it happens quietly, behind closed doors, in homes that look fine from the outside. The manipulation may start with flattery, gifts, and intense attention—what we call “love bombing”—before slowly shifting into control: over finances, friendships, choices, appearance, and behavior. Over time, the victim becomes less themselves and more what the abuser needs them to be.
One of the most common questions I hear in therapy is: “Why didn’t I leave sooner?” But that question skips over the real story. When someone has been brainwashed into believing they are the problem—or that their abuser is their only lifeline—leaving doesn’t feel safe. It feels impossible.
In therapy, we work to reverse that script. We help survivors rebuild trust in themselves, name the abuse for what it was, and reclaim the parts of them that were buried. It’s not easy work. But it’s sacred. And it’s possible.
If you’ve been in a relationship where you felt smaller, silenced, or scared—and especially if you’re still trying to make sense of it—please know you’re not alone. These stories are hard to hear because they’re real. But your story isn’t over. You are allowed to leave. You are allowed to heal. And you are absolutely allowed to take your life back.