Aug 27, 2025
Ever found yourself saying “yes” to a new video game after a long day at work? Or impulsively buying that overpriced stuffed animal at the zoo because your kid had a meltdown minutes before?
If you’re nodding your head, you are so not alone.
As both a parent and a therapist, I’ve been there. I’ve absolutely caught myself overspending on my kids out of guilt—especially after a tough day or a big disagreement. That little voice whispers, “Maybe this will make it better.”
But does it? Let's talk about what’s really going on and how we can break the cycle.
In that moment, buying the gift or saying “yes” to the expensive trip feels like a magic button. It creates temporary happiness and gives us, as parents, a sense of doing something to fix the bad mood or the difficult situation.
But here’s the hard truth: long-term, it doesn’t work. It didn’t strengthen my relationship with my kids or teach them anything meaningful. If anything, it just set up a pattern I had to consciously unlearn. It taught them that discomfort can be solved with a credit card, and that’s a lesson I never meant to teach.
So, Why Do We Keep Doing It? This is where my therapist brain kicks in. We overspend because it’s a quick fix. It’s genuinely easier to buy something than it is to sit with our own uncomfortable feelings.
What kind of feelings? Guilt over working long hours. Sadness or anxiety from a divorce or family tension. Just plain old exhaustion from the everyday frustrations of parenting.
Sometimes, it’s even deeper. If you grew up in a house where money was the primary way to show love—or where talking about feelings was avoided—you might naturally lean on gifts to show you care. For others, it’s about a personal history of lack. Giving your child everything you never had feels powerful, like you’re rewriting your own story.
The problem is, money can’t actually fill emotional gaps. And kids are incredibly perceptive; they eventually sense that.
When we soothe every rough patch with a purchase, we’re accidentally robbing our kids of some critical life skills:
Financial Literacy: If money just appears to solve problems, how do they learn its real value?
Emotional Resilience: Kids need to learn how to sit with disappointment, work through frustration, and repair relationships without a material “band-aid.”
Understanding Boundaries: Life has limits. Learning that you can’t always get what you want is a crucial, if unpopular, life lesson.
I saw the flip side of this with my own son. After college, he moved back home to save for a house. Instead of a free ride, we made a plan: he pays rent, helps around the house, and maintains his job. It wasn’t about the money for us; it was about the lesson.
The result? He’s now confidently talking about credit scores, interest rates, and has real financial goals. Because he had “skin in the game,” he’s engaged and empowered. That’s the gift I wanted to give him.
Ready to try a new approach? You can press pause on the spending guilt by first starting with awareness.
Get Honest with Yourself: The next time you’re about to make an impulse buy for your kid, pause. Ask yourself: “What am I really trying to fix right now? Is this about them, or about my guilt?” Naming the feeling is the first step to disarming it.
Create a “Fun Stuff” Budget: This is key! You don’t have to say “no” to everything. Decide ahead of time what a reasonable amount is for treats, outings, and gifts. This takes the emotion out of the moment and makes it a simple math question: “Is this in the budget?”
Talk About Money. A Lot.: Demystify it. Talk about how you earn it, how you budget for groceries, and how you save for a vacation. Make it a normal, practical part of family conversations—not a scary or taboo topic. The more kids understand how money works, the less power it has as a magical cure-all. It becomes just that—money—not love, not an apology, not redemption.
You’re not a bad parent. You’re a human one. Feeling guilty means you care deeply. But you can channel that care into something more powerful and lasting than another toy that will be forgotten in a week.
The goal isn’t to deprive our kids; it’s to empower them—and ourselves—with healthier tools for navigating life’s tough moments.