Aug 20, 2025
Let’s settle this once and for all: Are thank you notes still necessary?
Absolutely.
But not for the stuffy, old-school reasons you might think. Acknowledging someone’s kindness isn’t just about checking an etiquette box—it’s about modeling gratitude over entitlement. When someone goes out of their way to give you a gift or do something thoughtful, recognizing that effort keeps you grounded in appreciation. And from a psychological standpoint, gratitude isn’t just polite—it works. It reinforces positive behavior, both in the giver and in ourselves.
The good news? There’s no one "right" way to do it. Yes, handwritten notes on fancy stationery will always have charm, but the heart of a thank you isn’t the format—it’s the sincerity behind it. A voice memo bursting with genuine excitement, a playful video text, even a quick DM with a heartfelt “This made my day!" can carry just as much meaning. The key? Acknowledge the gift, name the thought behind it, and let your appreciation shine.
For kids (and let’s be honest, busy adults), this opens the door to creativity: Maybe they draw a thank you comic, record a silly song, or send a photo of themselves using the gift. The method doesn’t matter—what matters is pausing to say, "I see you, and I’m grateful."
My 27-year-old son loves paraphrasing a line from the series, Cobra Kai (though the original is saltier): ‘If you don’t like consequences, don’t do crappy things.’ I’d flip that and say: “If you enjoy receiving kindness, make sure you return it.” A thank you is a small act that carries big emotional weight. And energetically? What you put out has a funny way of circling back to you.
Let’s be honest—sitting down to write notes can feel like a chore, especially for kids. But it doesn’t have to be a drag. Here’s the secret: Let them make it their own.
Grab colorful stationery or blank cards and let them design their own. Stickers, doodles, glitter (if you’re brave)—whatever makes it feel like their creation.
Ditch the rigid rules. Maybe your kid would rather record a thank-you video, leave a silly voicemail, or even act out their gratitude in a TikTok-style clip. The format doesn’t matter as much as the sincerity behind it.
Tie it to movement or art. If writing feels like homework, let them paint their thanks, build a Lego “thank you” sculpture, or even choreograph a gratitude dance. The goal? Make it personal and let their creativity shine.
No nagging required when teaching kids to send thank you notes. When my kids were little (they’re grown now, and yes, they still send thank yous without being asked), the rule was simple:
If you receive a gift, you have ten days to send some form of acknowledgment. If not? The gift gets donated to a charity of the parents’ choosing.
This wasn’t meant to be punitive—it was a values-based reminder. Gratitude isn’t optional; it’s how we honor the kindness of others. And guess what? Kids rise to the expectation when it’s framed as part of who your family is, not just another chore.
The bottom line? Thank you notes aren’t about formality; they’re about connection. In a world where attention is the rarest currency, taking a moment to say “I see you, and I appreciate you” matters more than ever. And when we teach kids to express gratitude in ways that feel authentic to them? That’s a life skill that pays off way beyond birthday gifts.
So grab some markers, hit record on your phone, or let them scribble their thanks in crayon. The method doesn’t matter. The heart behind it does.